When love hurts: Seven tips to deal with a break-up

A Borders-based break-up and divorce coach is offering advice on how to approach Valentine’s Day “when love hurts”.

By Jennie Sutton
Thursday, 10th February 2022, 9:39 am

Jennie Sutton’s top tips include expressing self love, creating a support network, and taking off rose-tinted glasses.

She said: “February 14 is synonymous with hearts, flowers, chocolate and love. But what if you’ve split from your partner? What if you’re feeling the pain of an emotional break-up? What if your world seems suddenly smaller and you don’t know where to start?

"Break-up and divorce is the second most stressful experience people live through, sandwiched between the death of a loved one and moving house.

Sign up to our daily Berwickshire News Today newsletter

Jennie Sutton.

"At some point in our lives, we have all lived through heartbreak and although we may have moved on, when you’re in the moment the unwinding of a relationship can have a massive influence on mental wellness.”

Jennie’s runs Untying The Knot which offers break-up and divorce coaching.

It is her mission to help couples go through break-up and divorce with ease, authenticity and grace.

Here are her seven top tips to shift feelings of being stuck, sad and alone to a place of control and resilience whilst moving forward to a brighter happier and more fulfilling vision.

1. Self-care is about putting yourself at the front of the queue to receive self-love.

The simple steps of taking me time and having regular check ins by asking yourself the question – “What do I need?” will keep you living in the now. Spend time in nature, keep a mood diary, use meditation apps, or even the more practical aspect of re-arranging furniture at home will give you a point of difference and a ton of self-compassion.

2. Give yourself a dose of the hug hormone otherwise known as oxytocin.

If you’re finding it hard to get to sleep and stay asleep then try this; place your hands on either shoulder with your arms across your chest and the act of a self-hug will lull you into a deep slumber.

3. Feeling the emotions of loss; anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

At this time these emotions are perfectly normal and are part of the Loss Cycle. Lean into them with the knowledge that they will pass. Sometimes writing in a journal will help release and detach yourself from those unpleasant thoughts and feelings.

Be mindful, that your emotions are not your identity. If you find yourself saying…‘I’m angry’ – simply rephrase the expression by saying ‘I’m feeling angry at this moment’. By putting a timeframe around the emotion, it also assists in telling yourself that this feeling is temporary. Words like – moment, today, this minute, this morning, this hour will act as a self-protection mechanism that will reassure you that the emotions will be short term.

4. Express self-love.

Buy yourself some flowers to brighten your mood, your home and why not celebrate what an amazing person you truly are.

5. Create your support network and get in contact with loyal friends.

Celebrate the friendships you have in your life beyond your partner. Let them know what you’re going through. A lot of people love you just the way you are and will want to support you, so tell them how.

6. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and look at your relationship through a clean lens.

Write a list of all the aspects of your former partner that just didn’t work for you. This will help to stop the constant ruminating of the past. The process of seeing things in black and white makes you realise that not everything was great.

7. Create new routines as your break-up may cause voids in your life – so simply fill them.

Re-connect with past hobbies and interests, or maybe something you always wanted to do but your ex didn’t enjoy. It’s now your time to get excited about the new horizons in front of you.

Finally, heartbreak is an opportunity to learn and grow. Flip the break-up into empowering life lessons and use them to springboard into new possibilities, whilst reminding yourself how remarkable you really are!